Sango's Silent Struggle
by RosePhoenix16
Summary: Sango reflects on the horrors she has seen as of late and has come up with an unthinkable solution. Will anyone be able to see the struggle she is hiding within herself before it is too late? Angst turned to SangoxMirokuness in Chapter 2
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Alright, so this is my very first fanfic to actually finish and post, so I hope it's okay. It's a little angsty in the first chapter, but this will turn into a SangoxMiroku story in the second chapter, because that is my favorite pairing for the entire series. I would very much appreciate reviews and constructive criticism, but PLEASE no flames-it's my first finished fanfic, and I don't know if I can handle flammage right now. Anyways, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I sadly do not own InuYashsa or any of his friends (although I may soon own an InuYasha messenger bag if I can ever remember where I saw it...)

Sango's Silent Struggle

It was late. Very late, in fact, and Sango was the only one awake. She tried to get back to sleep, but found herself unable to with all the thoughts that were running through her head. Quietly, she left her companions and walked into the night, not exactly sure where she was going. As she walked alone, Sango tried to work through all the thoughts that were filling her head, and none of them were very pleasant.

Mainly, these thoughts centered around all the death that she had seen recently: The death of her family, the death of those who lived in the Demon Slayers' village, not to mention the countless others that they had encountered in their travels. And now Kohaku was among them.

Actually, for all Sango knew, Kohaku was alive and well- and being forced to do Naraku's bidding, yet Sango still listed among the dead. Because, in a sense, he was dead. He was being kept alive by a Shikon jewel shard in his back, and once Naraku felt that he no longer had need of Kohaku, or when Naraku finally needed Kohaku's shard back to create a new Shikon Jewel, one tainted with evil and hatred, Kohaku's life-sustaining shard would be taken from him and he would die. He was not free to do as he wished-nor was he free to remember her, his own sister, because he did not want to relive the memories of the day Naraku forced him to kill his own comrades. And because he was not free to live normally, because he was simply someone else's puppet, because as soon as Naraku saw a need for the shard Kohaku would die, Sango considered Kohaku already among the growing list of the dead.

There had been a time, not that long ago, where she had harboured the hope of being able to save Kohaku from Naraku, to help him remember who he was, and then he would be able to free himself from Naraku's hold to rejoin his sister to rebuild the village of the Demon Slayers. But the longer that they fought Naraku, the more she realized Naraku's awesome strength, his demonic powers, and evil ways of toying with people's feelings would be just too great for her young brother to fight against for his freedom. With her realization of just how strong Naraku was, how difficult he would be to defeat, also came the realization that she would never be able to save her precious little brother from the control of Naraku without costing Kohaku his life or unnecessary pain. When she realized all this, she came to the sad conclusion that Kohaku would die, and probably soon, as their battle with Naraku seemed like it was beginning to wane, now building more quickly towards the final fight against the evil half-demon along with all his reincarnations.

She also had the revelation that, once Kohaku was dead, she would be alone. She had no family left to speak of, and there was no one left alive from her village. There were her friends who were now her traveling companions and comrades, but what would become of their little group after Naraku was defeated? Would they each go their separate ways, never to see each other again? Would they stay together to continue traveling the country together and slaying leftover demons? She didn't know. But to her, at that moment, the future did not matter at all-what sense was it to worry about the future if you weren't going to be around to see it happen?

Yes, she had been thinking about it for a while now, ever since she realized that she had no hope of ever returning Kohaku to his former self. It seemed as if the world could hold no joy for her anymore, that no matter how hard she tried, she'd never be truly happy again. They had been all over this country and seen the horrible things that had befallen innocent people. Famine had killed so many people, and a large number of them children. Wars tore families apart, depriving wives of their husbands and children of their fathers, as well as taking sons of weeping parents and brothers of saddened siblings. It seemed as if the world would never be able to find peace, would never find its center of balance. She had done so much trying to help these poor people lately, yet in the grand scheme of things, it hardly made a difference.

And after finally sorting through all her thoughts, she had come to a conclusion: This was an evil world, one that she felt she could no longer bear to live in. Therefore, she had made a life-altering decision. Once she had helped her comrades defeat Naraku, if she was able to hang on that long, she would kill herself.

Although part of her-most likely the rational part that seemed hard to hear in this swirling pool of dark thought-told her that this plan, this idea, was very unlike her and that she needed desperately to come to her senses, she ignored this voice. Those who knew her best would say that she would never do such a thing-would never sacrifice herself for reasons unapparent to everyone else, but none of them knew the saddening thoughts that now resided inside of her. She wished desperately that she did not feel like this, that she could brush away these feelings of sadness and these suicidal thoughts. She longed desperately for someone to see her suffering and to comfort her, telling her that everything would be all right, and would be able to bring her back from the brink of suicide. But she had hid her sad feelings deep down most of the time, and therefore, predictably, no one would see her pain, nor would they know to stop her before she did something rash. And so, she would end up killing herself and, most likely, dying alone. She didn't quite know if she was ready to face that yet. She still had some time- she had promised herself to try to live until Naraku had been defeated. She knew her comrades would be counting on her as they neared the final battle against Naraku, so she would wait until she was sure her friends were free of the danger Naraku posed before she left them for death and all her fallen comrades and friends who now resided in the other world.

**Author's Note: **There is another chapter to this story, so don't forget to read it if you want the SangoxMirokuness I promised you at the top!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Alright, so this is my very first fanfic to actually finish and post, so I hope it's okay. It's a little angsty in the first chapter, but this will turn into a SangoxMiroku story in the second chapter, because that is my favorite pairing for the entire series. I would very much appreciate reviews and constructive criticism, but PLEASE no flames-it's my first finished fanfic, and I don't know if I can handle flammage right now. Anyways, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I sadly do not own InuYashsa or any of his friends (although I may soon own an InuYasha messenger bag if I can ever remember where I saw it...)

**Sango's Silent Struggle: Chapter 2**

The next day, Sango said very little to the rest of the group. She had thought it best to begin disengaging from them now so that when she was gone it would not be so hard on them. When they stopped for the evening, she sat on one side of the fire, as far away from the others as possible, hoping to avoid them. The others must have sensed that she was trying to avoid them, because they didn't make any pushes to get her to talk, for which she was grateful. When she eventually looked up from her food, her eyes locked with the monk sitting across the fire from her. _Such brilliant eyes_, she thought somewhat dreamily to herself, _such an intriguing colour_. For as long as she looked into those eyes, he never looked away. Suddenly, as if waking from a dream, she looked away. _No, I'm trying to disengage from him-from all of them-, and staring into his eyes as if in a trance in not the way to gain the distance I'm trying to place between myself and the others_Sango mentally reminded herself. She refused to look at any of them for the rest of the night. Later, she silently went over by Kirara and laid down, though she didn't fall asleep.

Some time later, Sango heard a soft rustling. Her first instinct was to attack out of fear that it was a demon, but she decided not to._It's probably just some animal. And if it is something that would harm me-well, I won't have to do so much work later as far as ending my life,_she thought. Then she felt something move near her, brushing her long hair from her ears. "Sango," A voice whispered gently into her ear. "Sango, are you awake?" She rolled over to see Miroku kneeling next to her.

"What is it Miroku?" she asked him.

"Sango, would you come with me please?" Seeing the suspicious look in her eye, he quickly added "I won't do anything lecherous, I promise. Monk's honor."

Even though she didn't entirely believe him, and part of her mind was trying to remind her of how she was trying to avoid the others, she nodded. He offered his hand and helped her to her feet. They began walking away from the camp and, to her surprise, he did not release her hand. "Miroku, where are we going?" She asked.

"To be honest, I'm not exactly sure," He replied.

"Then why did you ask me to come?"

"I was hoping that we just might be able to go for a walk and talk about things for a while. There were some things I was wondering. For example, why you are avoiding everyone. Don't try to say that you aren't, because it is quite obvious that you are." She considered coming up with some lame excuse, like that she wasn't feeling good or something like that. For some reason, though, she feel a sudden urge to tell him everything-what she had been thinking the previous night and her plans of suicide. Two parts of her brain wrestled for several moments before there was a clear winner.

"Sango? Did you hear me? Is everything okay?" Miroku asked, worried, as he tightened his grip on her hand just a little. Suddenly, Sango felt some sort of strength come to her, and she suspected it had something to do with the monk walking beside her.

"I heard you," she replied softly. "And-and everything isn't okay." she told him, as tears started to fill her eyes. All of a sudden, she spun around quickly to face him, throwing herself into his arms. "Miroku, there's so much I want-need-to tell you." She said into his shoulder as she began to cry.

"Its okay Sango, you can tell me everything," he said softly as he stroked her dark hair. When Sango seemed like she was done crying, they sat next to each other in the grass and she told him everything, how she missed so many people so much, her realizations about Kohaku and how she would be alone once he was dead, how she hadn't been able to sleep because she was thinking about all of these things, even her plans of suicide. For some reason, she felt she could share all this with him, a lecherous monk, more openly than she would have been able to share them with even Kagome, and after telling him everything that had been bothering her, she felt some sort of a change come over her. Almost immediately, she was beginning to feel as if a great weight had been lifted off of her, as if there was some good still left in this world, and she just needed to rid herself of the shroud of sadness that she carried with her to see it.

She was grateful for Miroku's silence, for his patience, for his genuine concern for her. Occassionally, he would flinch with disturbance as she told him of how many horrible thoughts had consumed her lately, but he continued to silently listen to her. That is, until she brought up a particularly grave subject. When she told him of the final item of concern, but perhaps the most disturbing of all her concerns, her suicide, she could feel him stiffen. Suddenly, he grabbed her by the shoulders so she was facing him. "Sango, please don't talk that way. I-I wouldn't be able to live if you killed yourself. You have so much to live for. Please don't throw your life away."

She looked into his eyes, seeing his shock, horror, and sadness at what she had told him. She saw his true caring for her, how deeply his concern for her well-being ran. After several moments of looking into his beautiful eyes, she took his hands off her shoulders, held them in her own hands, and replied, "Don't worry. I no longer have any intention of killing myself, not since I have talked with you. You have saved me from a terrible mistake. Thank you." When she stopped talking, Miroku took a few moments to soak in what she had said, and then he flung his arms around her and held her close to him.

"But my dear Sango, what did I do to change you mind?" he asked into the cascade of her dark hair. "I didn't say anything, I just listened." Sango looked up at him, gently placing her hand on his cheek.

"Don't you see?" She asked. "By you making me come with you, I was able to tell you everything because you simply listened. I had no excuse to be silent anymore, and by telling everything to you, somehow it made the difference for me to change my mind." Sango gave him a small smile, and he returned it.

They sat there for a while, and eventually Sango fell asleep for the first time in what seemed like days. Carefully, Miroku gathered the sleeping Sango in his arms and carried her back to the camp, placing her gently next to her demon-cat companion. He reached down to brush a few strands of hair off of her face, and, on impulse, lightly kissed her forehead. "Good night my dear Sango. Don't ever feel you have to be silent again."

**End**

**Author's Note**: So, what did you think? Good? Bad? Indifferent? Please send me a review to let me know what you thought and to give me any constructive criticism you would like to offer. No flames please, as they would break my poor little heart and I may never write again. (JK, I'll write again, but I'd be very sad for a while)

Thanks for reading!

_Leia Sango Organa Tonks_ (My full nickname, isn't it amazing?)

aka RebelDreams


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